Dear Dr. Large-

   I am in my early 30's, male, reasonably presentable, and have been teaching a large first year Sociology course for 3 years. I’d like to think it isn’t just wishful thinking, but it seems to me that every semester, a certain fraction of my female students flirt with me. It’s kind of flattering, but I’m well aware of sexual harassment issues. My question is; how do I handle this on a personal level? Do I ignore it? Should I be cold or rude to these students to get them to stop? With this 800 pound gorilla lurking in the background, is it even possible to have a close professor/student relationship if there is some kind of sexual tension, either real or implied, between the parties?

Dr. Large-

   Oh, boy, I was hoping nobody was going to ask me about this one. The climate in gender relationships between professors and students has changed dramatically over the past 30-40 years. In the ‘60s and ‘70s, professor access to "coeds," as they were known then, was considered one of the perqs of the job for males in an otherwise woefully undercompensated profession. Check out the Donald Sutherland role in "Animal House" for an example. As long as there wasn’t a quid pro quo between sex and grading, professor-student "hookups" were pretty much ignored.

   Starting in the ‘80s, there came a radical shift. There were a number of widely publicized career ending cases that represented both real abuse in some situations, and false charges in others. As a result, much of the male professorate became gunshy about encouraging relationships that might be interpreted by others to have a sexual component. Even if you were very cautious, bad things could happen–.

   A professor in a large class is a very powerful figure. Power is attractive, (the "ultimate aphrodisiac" as Henry Kissinger said.) It is not surprising then that students might become attracted to their professors, even developing "crushes." In the vast majority of cases, both parties know there are rules to this game, and stay within the boundaries. Every now and then, however, a simple crush can develop into something more–dangerous.

   A long time ago, I had a colleague who had such a student crush situation.

   The student was constantly at his office hour, volunteered to work in his lab, hung on his every word. It was flattering, but this colleague was an ethical professional, and never did anything out of line.

   But then the student broke the rules. She confessed her "love" to him. He handled it in as proper a manner as you could imagine. He gently explained that the extra time he spent with her was because she was a bright, capable student who had a wonderful future, and not because he was emotionally attached to her. Unfortunately, she felt humiliated and angry. As the old saying goes, "Hell hath no fury—." She went to the Dean and complained that he had offered her a better grade in exchange for sex.

   The Dean essentially laughed her out of the office. What he knew, and the student didn’t, was that the professor was gay (and not at all bisexual). Everybody had a good chuckle (except the student), and the matter was over. Had the professor not had what amounted to an ironclad alibi, the outcome might have been very different.

   So, the basic answer to your question is that you have to handle these matters as porcupines make love–carefully. Even if you do everything in an ethically correct way, you could still get burned–but you are far less likely to have difficulty if you follow sexual harassment procedures to the letter.

   As to your more general question of what happens to the professor/student relationship, when the dreadful possibilities are in the back of your mind, I have to be honest–I have become much warier of establishing a close relationship with a student until I have clearly established what their maturity and experiential level is. Having said that, in the past 20 years, I have had some wonderful, very close relationships with students–it just takes a little longer to get them started.